dreams

Satire

Six weeks in, freshman start to set achievable goals

From exceptionally smelly roommates to the pedobear mascot, there is a plethora of things for a Berkeley freshman to complain about. Although issues such as screeching vegans and alt-right bigots were to be expected, most freshman were unprepared for the shock that is the grueling Cal academia. Though this year’s…

Satire

CS Major Newly Employed at Google tells English Major to Follow her Dreams

English major Paige Turner was allegedly nearly shocked into a coma last Wednesday when she was told by her friend in computer science, Tanisha Castillo, to follow her dreams. Castillo had been reportedly offered a job at Google only minutes before the incident, and had gleefully run to tell Turner…