Student picks up case of Weasels while at UC Berkeley

weasels, weasels, weasels, measles
(Photo Credit: Flick User Snowman Host)

On Monday it was reported that a student that had ridden the AC Transit 25-A bus on August 25th had been carrying a case of weasels with him as he had been traveling in and around Berkeley.

Residents are urged to run like hell in the other direction if they see a briefcase lying around containing the furry mammals. Afterwards, they are also encouraged to contact their local health care provider.

At this point, it is unclear how the student picked up a case of the weasels, as briefcases containing the notoriously mischievous creatures were previously thought to have been almost eradicated, largely because of weasel self-defense courses and people carrying briefcases being branded as hipsters and excommunicated from Berkeley.

When a person picks up a case of weasels, the weasels are liable to come out and bite and scratch, causing scarring and a large number of expletives.

This most recent case of Weasels in Berkeley has reunited the debate over Weasel Self Defense courses. Generally, children in the United States are required to take Weasel self-defense courses in order to protect themselves against the furry creatures, but recently there has been a backlash against the children protecting themselves.

Some parents have argued that by protecting children against measles, the children might learn self-defense techniques that will eventually harm their body. Their claims have absolutely no basis.

About the author

Burr K. Lee

Burr K. Lee is a Berkeley student that enjoys using satire to draw issues to attention on campus. During his spare time, Lee enjoys working as a Burr-lesque dancer.