Student makes 4-day journey from campus to Clark Kerr in record 2 ½ days

Clark Kerr
Picture taken by our crack photo team (aka guy with cell phone)

Local student becomes celebrated hero after making long and arduous journey back to Clark Kerr

On Wednesday, as local UC Berkeley student Jason Bronman completed his 2 ½ day journey from campus to Clark Kerr, he managed to make it through the doorway of his dorm before collapsing on his bed.

Two days earlier, Bronman had just finished class in Li Kai Shing when he had decided to call it a day and head back to his dorm in Clark Kerr. Upon checking his backpack, he was dismayed to find that he only had enough supplies for two days for what was typically a four-day journey.

The path from Clark Kerr to campus has been notorious for its treacherous four-day journey fraught with peril featuring drivers who have no idea how to park, broken sidewalks, to awkwardly running into your professor on the street. J.R.R . Tolkein was reportedly inspired to have written the sprawling Lord of the Rings after making the journey from the Berkeley Campus to Clark Kerr during a stay in America in 1959.

Though Bronman had a choice to call an Uber, or the other ultra-local bear riding service Ubear, Bronman elected not to due to his affinity for wanting to experience nature on the way back home. During his journey, Bronman managed to extend his supplies by foraging for food and hunting squirrels. It should be noted that Bronman did not harm any squirrels per say, so much as simply picked up the squirrels that had already expired because they had gotten sick of eating too much dining hall food.

It should be noted that Bronman did not harm any squirrels per say, so much as simply picked up the squirrels that had already expired because they had gotten sick of eating too much dining hall food.

During his two-day adventure, Bronman did manage to run into some talking trees along the way. But after listening to the snooty trees talk about how superior they were to the other trees around them and how they had won the Big Game that year, Bronman preceded to chop the trees down and use them to construct a toilet for the nearby bears in the area.

Bronman is currently in talks for a three movie deal detailing his journey from campus to Clark Kerr, though if the rumors about Lions Gate Entertainment entering the deal are true, the final movie in the trilogy, Journey to Clark Kerr Campus: Fellowship of the poor dude who had class in Li Kai Shing will be split into Parts 1 and 2.

 

 

 

 

About the author

Burr K. Lee

Burr K. Lee is a Berkeley student that enjoys using satire to draw issues to attention on campus. During his spare time, Lee enjoys working as a Burr-lesque dancer.

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