Search Results: berkeley

Satire

Donald Trump’s Hairpiece to speak at The Berkeley Forum

Donald Trump’s Hairpiece is expected to speak at the Forum in early October. Following Trump’s shocking performance tonight at the Republican Debate, the media focus on Donald Trump has never been more intense. But while Trump has been attracting a majority of the media focus, one facet of Trump’s campaign…

Satire

Student picks up case of Weasels while at UC Berkeley

On Monday it was reported that a student that had ridden the AC Transit 25-A bus on August 25th had been carrying a case of weasels with him as he had been traveling in and around Berkeley. Residents are urged to run like hell in the other direction if they…

Satire

Reality Show 8 to a Room to be filmed in Berkeley

As part of its fall lineup, Fox News announced today that it had acquired the rights to the reality show “8 to a Room” which is set to start filming in Berkeley. Because of the extreme lack of housing in the Bay Area, students and residents alike have taken to…

Satire

4. 0 Earthquake admitted to Berkeley despite having few extracurriculars

Berkeley, CA. At 7 AM this morning, it was reported that local residents were woken up by the sounds of a 4.0 earthquake arriving in the Bay Area. While local resident Ashley Chang heard the noise, she thought the neighbors were going at it a little too loudly again, but…

Satire

Berkeley Students Without Housing Pretty Much Screwed At This Point

With students staying up 24/7 to watch the Housing page on the UC Berkeley FB group, students without confirmed housing for the school year are starting to feel the pinch. With less than two weeks until the fall semester at UC Berkeley is slated to begin, it has been determined…

Satire

Giant Phallic Symbol serves as UC Berkeley’s Most Popular Attraction

Giant Phallic Looking object towers over the rest of campus                    Berkeley. It is a college that harbors some of America’s best and brightest minds as well as a smattering of semi-prominent landmarks. Built in March 23rd, 1868, the campus of Berkeley…

Satire

UC Berkeley to house students in tents on Memorial Glade as part of new student housing initiative

School to put up tents to accommodate more students as part of UC Berkeley student housing initiative Though it may come as a shock to incoming freshmen, it’s no secret to Berkeley students that housing in Berkeley is terrible. UC Berkeley is reportedly one of the few colleges in the world…

Satire

Student Criticizes “Pathetic” Athletes in Winter Olympics after 15th Bag of Doritos

With a beer in hand and orange dorito dust powdering his extremities, UC Berkeley junior Joe Richard watched the winter olympic halfpipe competition in disgust. “Wow, I could pull off that 1080 in my sleep, bro,” he exclaimed, despite having never seen snow in his life. Nevertheless, he remains an…

Satire

Sophomore declares major he’ll regret 3 years from now

BREAKING — Sophomore William Peters broke his silence on Facebook last night by posting about his acceptance into the Media Studies program at UC Berkeley — a decision his future self will look back on with self-hatred. Friends and family congratulated Peters on his achievement and his complete disregard of…

Satire

Hero student adds frame to Facebook profile picture, single handedly ends racism

 In the face of an increasingly racist and bigoted society, one student activist has decided to risk everything in her fight for social justice. UC Berkeley junior Tessa White recently made a bold statement by adding a frame to her Facebook profile picture. The powerful words “Stand Against Racism,” emblazoned…