Chem Major to spend Thanksgiving Break in hibernation

hibernation, cal
Tell the whole damn world this is sleeping bear territory

Chem Major to spend Thanksgiving Break in hibernation and avoid seeing people

As Dustin Tau traveled back to his home in Southern California on Wednesday Night, he revealed his plans to simply lock himself in his room and hibernate, doing his best to avoid as much human contact as physically possible, and only coming out for food and water as needed.

When it was revealed that he was expected to participate in some measure of human interaction with his family, Dustin expressed his disappointment and dismay at having to dodge another 6 hours of questions from relatives on when he would get a girlfriend, a job, or (Heavens forbid) have grandchildren.

Though by all accounts Dustin was doing relatively well at school (or as relatively well as a Chem major could expect to be doing), had an active social life, and a steady job as a chemistry tutor; upon coming home Dustin managed to drop all his responsibilities and lock himself in his room all day and perform activities that alternated between playing Fallout 4 for 8 hours straight and sleeping.

According to some sociologists, Cal bears have a tendency to go into hibernation during the winter months as a coping mechanism to deal with the stress of the never ending stream of midterms and the fact that it’s currently colder here in Berkeley than the North Wall in Westeros.

Currently, UC Berkeley scientists are working on a theory that what might appear to be UC Berkeley students hibernating is actually just their body shutting down in response to having instant noodles and Chipotle for the 4th time that week.

Friends of Dustin are urged not to disturb him as he is currently pretending that he is off Facebook and has reportedly “lost his phone”.

About the author

Burr K. Lee

Burr K. Lee is a Berkeley student that enjoys using satire to draw issues to attention on campus. During his spare time, Lee enjoys working as a Burr-lesque dancer.

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