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Diversity

Government shuts down to advise Trump on new haircut

Three weeks ago, the U.S. federal government shut down for three days, supposedly due to Congress’s failure to decide whether or not to incorporate DACA funding into an important bill. This lack of decisiveness (and progress, and human decency) is not a surprise, as absurdity has become the new norm…

hiring

Foothill Dining Hall Utilizes Dorm Rats as Locally Sourced Ingredient

Earlier this week, Cal Dining announced their latest local ingredients night at Foothill dining hall— PieRats in the CaRatbean. Cal Dining plans on combining the mysterious and charming life of a pirate with locally sourced, fresh ingredients to create an unforgettable dining experience for all students. The excellent chefs at…

hiring

We’re Hiring!

Are you tired of scrolling through Beet articles only to find tedious rants on society littered with sporadic crappy jokes? Do you find yourself automatically drifting into a deep slumber as soon as you click on an article? Well maybe you could stop silently judging and actually help us out,…

Satire

University to change motto to Fiat Lux 3000 in order to reduce deficit

On Thursday, after University officials met to discuss structural changes in light of the school’s $150-million-dollar deficit, University Spokesperson Bentley Cooper announced that the school would be changing its motto from “Fiat Lux” to “Fiat Lux 3000” in order to promote Fiat’s luxury line of cars. Whereas “Fiat Lux” was…