Berkeley student gives Santa side eye for wearing Stanford Colors

An alleged Stanford Supporter, Santa
An alleged Stanford Supporter

A Berkeley student at a mall proceeded to glare at Santa last Wednesday for wearing what appeared to be Stanford colors

On Wednesday night, as Justin Putnam ventured was dragged into the mall by his family to do some last minute Christmas shopping, Putnam spotted a Santa wearing what appeared to be the colors of Berkeley’s rival school, Stanford.

Though this particular mall Santa was dressed in the traditional boots, belt, belly and red jumpsuit of his profession, Putnam still managed to mistake the Christmas red on Santa’s suit for that of Stanford’s cardinal red.

As if to add insult to injury, Santa was also flanked by an elf wearing green, which due to Berkeley’s devotion to pot, is also unofficially known as Berkeley’s third school color.

Santa also appeared to be sipping from a Starbucks cup which was also a shade of Stanford red, confirming Putnam’s deep seated belief that Christmas was a Stanford conspiracy in which the Stanford colors infiltrated every part of the public consciousness during winter in order to motivate parents to get their kids to apply to Stanford.

Putnam proceeded to glare at the Santa out of the corner of his eye for the next thirty minutes as he sat on a bench outside Sephora waiting for his mother and sister to finish shopping.

While not glaring at the mall Santa, Putnam (who is a junior economics major at Berkeley’s Letters and Sciences school) proceeded to furiously text his friends about how Santa was perpetuating the systemic inequality within America by giving out presents and teaching kids to venerate the welfare state.

But after thirty minutes of shopping, Putnam’s mother and sister came out to drag him away to a Cinnabon, where seeing the blue and gold awning of the Cinnabon stand caused Putnam to break out softly into the school fight song.

 

About the author

Burr K. Lee

Burr K. Lee is a Berkeley student that enjoys using satire to draw issues to attention on campus. During his spare time, Lee enjoys working as a Burr-lesque dancer.

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