Search Results: tech

Satire

Kingpin welcomes record sales from Free Speech Week police force

Though members of the Berkeley community have expressed discomfort towards the unprecedented numbers of police officers swarming the area, Kingpin Donuts has reportedly embraced this new demographic. Ever since Ben Sharpie came to grace the campus with his presence, Kingpin employees have been working nonstop to fill orders for vigilant…

Satire

CS Major Newly Employed at Google tells English Major to Follow her Dreams

English major Paige Turner was allegedly nearly shocked into a coma last Wednesday when she was told by her friend in computer science, Tanisha Castillo, to follow her dreams. Castillo had been reportedly offered a job at Google only minutes before the incident, and had gleefully run to tell Turner…

Satire

$92K Nap Pods designed by Keurig for one-time use only

UC Berkeley to put out Nap Pods on campus for students to sleep in as an alternative to sleeping during lectures in Wheeler On Wednesday, UC Berkeley unveiled its new REST zones on campus. REST zones (or Really Expensive Sleep Tombs) are designated locations on campus and the Tang Center…

Satire

CS Major using Airbears 2 Internet Outage as Metaphor for Life

CS Major using Airbears 2 Outage as Metaphor for Life             Following Friday Night’s campuswide Airbears 2 Internet Outage, it was reported that the campus of UC Berkeley had fallen into equal parts chaos and listlessness with a majority of those living in the student dorms moving their thumbs in…

Satire

Student picks up case of Weasels while at UC Berkeley

On Monday it was reported that a student that had ridden the AC Transit 25-A bus on August 25th had been carrying a case of weasels with him as he had been traveling in and around Berkeley. Residents are urged to run like hell in the other direction if they…

Satire

4. 0 Earthquake admitted to Berkeley despite having few extracurriculars

Berkeley, CA. At 7 AM this morning, it was reported that local residents were woken up by the sounds of a 4.0 earthquake arriving in the Bay Area. While local resident Ashley Chang heard the noise, she thought the neighbors were going at it a little too loudly again, but…

Satire

UCB Students to launch Uber competitor UBear using real bears

On Thursday it was announced that a team from UC Berkeley had successfully secured its first round of seed funding for its product “UBear”. As UC Berkeley is located in the Silicon Valley, many of its students are focused on entrepreneurial ventures in the hopes of creating the next “unicorn”….