Following the outlandish and disgraceful spectacle that was the 2016 U.S. presidential election, liberal Californians basically had only one good political thing to look forward to: the legalization of recreational marijuana. Back in November, the new state policy had widespread and noticeable effects, especially at Cal. For one, Berkeley police officers no longer needed to feel guilty about not busting the literally thousands of students who are always overtly and perpetually high. And students initially raved that their third favorite pastime (behind creating memes for the Facebook meme page and lamenting about their mental health) was now legal.
However, 5 months have now passed, and the joyous—and literal—high that came from smoking weed has diminished significantly. In fact, students’ new indifference to weed is so strong that the turnout on Memorial Glade for 4/20 had a record all-time low. “The turnout was even lower than at Trump’s inauguration” reported Shawna Chang. Added ecology professor Carl Oldman, “I’ve been here at Berkeley a long, long time, and never have I seen the smoke cloud above the Glade quite so transparent.”
Many complained about the lack of participation. “I usually sell food on the Glade,” senior Jane Kim said. “People usually give me hella money for brownies and In N Out burgers when they’re high, but this year I made practically nothing. Now how will I pay for this month’s rent?” Freshman Oliver Ramos also complained: “I was looking forward to this event all year! But since practically no one showed up, I just had to go home and get high all by myself. Do you know how pitiful that is?”
Others were satisfied with the lack of participation. “I think this is great news,” said Berkeley College Republicans member, Hunter Jensen. “Marijuana is liberal trash, and we could do without it.” It should be noted that Hunter was found incoherently crossfaded in his fraternity later that day, officials say.
In related news, ex-Chancellor Dirks was self-reportedly one of the few people on the Glade that day. “I have nothing to lose,” he shrugged, his pupils dilated and his eyes ironically Cardinal red. “I took public funds, I resigned, and I found someone to replace me. So today I chilled on the Glade. No ragrets.”
In unrelated news, CNR graduate student Skye Hill stated that Berkeley squirrel health has never been better. “For some reason, the squirrels usually become extremely ill around this time each year. Their symptoms: anxiety and rabidly trying to take students’ food, even more so than usual. But this year, they were in reasonable health—we just have no idea why….”
Regardless, it would appear that 4/20 isn’t quite as appealing as it once was. Perhaps only time will tell what other consequences this policy will have.