October 2016

Satire

Greek system respects consent when it’s not Halloween

Though Halloween is usually an extremely anticipated holiday among Berkeley students, this year’s spooky festivities were threatened by some alarming circumstances. Due to recent sexual assaults, which seem to be a popular pastime among certain fraternities, the Cal Greek system shut down all their social activities until members could learn…

Satire

Crime Rate in Berkeley Increasing Faster than Student Debt

At this point in the fall semester, morale is low and tensions are high as Berkeley students flounder about the murky depths of midterm season, all the while surreptitiously eyeing the “cancel registration” button on Cal Central. Though midterm season regularly robs students of self esteem and assaults them with…