October 2015

Satire

26 freshmen rescued after being lost in Dwinelle for 10 weeks

On Sunday it was reported that a group of 26 freshmen had been finally found after being trapped inside Dwinelle Hall for a period of no less than ten weeks. In an event that some university faculty were proclaiming to be nothing less than a “miracle”, the students were found…

Satire

Math Department to place ban on hiring Professors who make learning fun

On Saturday, it was revealed that UC Berkeley’s Math Department would be letting go of Professor Alexander Coward at the end of the school year. After an understandable outpouring of disbelief from students, teachers, parents and faculty alike, the Math Department issued a statement saying that thought it had always…

Satire

Student relieved that having Parents over for Homecoming Week means not having to cook

Last month, Sharon’s McLaren’s parents called to say that they were planning to visit her during Homecoming Weekend. While Mrs. McLaren expected her daughter to be embarrassed at the idea of her coming over to visit; to her surprise, Sharon sounded cheerful at the prospect. Though Sharon wasn’t too keen…