September 2015

Satire

Berkeley Squirrel officially tired of eating Dining Hall Food

Local Squirrel grows tired of eating Dining Hall Food Yesterday evening, it was reported that local resident Shamu the Squirrel had officially grown tired of eating dining hall food. Shamu (more commonly referred to as Mu by his friends in Squirelish) had been eating at Crossroads once again that week,…

Satire

CS Major using Airbears 2 Internet Outage as Metaphor for Life

CS Major using Airbears 2 Outage as Metaphor for Life             Following Friday Night’s campuswide Airbears 2 Internet Outage, it was reported that the campus of UC Berkeley had fallen into equal parts chaos and listlessness with a majority of those living in the student dorms moving their thumbs in…

Satire

Donald Trump’s Hairpiece to speak at The Berkeley Forum

Donald Trump’s Hairpiece is expected to speak at the Forum in early October. Following Trump’s shocking performance tonight at the Republican Debate, the media focus on Donald Trump has never been more intense. But while Trump has been attracting a majority of the media focus, one facet of Trump’s campaign…

Satire

University to begin offering Instant Noodle Meal Plan

The Meal Plan is reportedly directed at students who can’t cook. (If your friend shared this article with you, chances are that that’s you) Susan Kwon was having a problem. At the age of 19, she still was having a problem with learning how to cook. Though Kwon was already…

Satire

Student picks up case of Weasels while at UC Berkeley

On Monday it was reported that a student that had ridden the AC Transit 25-A bus on August 25th had been carrying a case of weasels with him as he had been traveling in and around Berkeley. Residents are urged to run like hell in the other direction if they…